Getting to know me

Now I posted back in March about a getting to know me series. I wasn't sure when I would be posting again in this series but after last week, I feel I need to post again.


Back in 2012 when I was at sixth form things started to get pretty bad. My relationship with my dad wasn't great- it's not perfect now, but it's improving and I'm seeing him more, and I was struggling in a relationship that I was no longer happy in. Because of the stress of school and the relationships with both my dad and an ex, I started to struggle with depression. It started out where I wouldn't want to go into school, or I'd want to go home if I had gone to school. It then progressed to me self harming. I had come clean to my tutor at school saying that I was struggling with relationships and school, and that I had been self harming myself. She gave me the support I needed and I'm thankful I had her in my life when things got bad.
I eventually came clean to my mum as well who decided to book in sessions for me to speak to someone. This was a mistake, I went to 2 sessions and came out feeling worse than when I went in because I felt she wasn't helping the problems but making excuses for people who I was having bad relationships with- telling me that my dad might not make an effort with me as I got older due to certain things in his life, rather than telling me how I could work and build on the relationship.
The relationship I was in at the time eventually broke down 2 months later and I felt free and happier than I had done for a while, but after the summer realised I only had friends because of the relationship I had been in. I was still suffering with depression but met an amazing person, who is still in my life, and he made everything seem easier. We hadn't met in person as he was living in Manchester at the time we met, but we spoke on the phone nearly every night and Skyped a lot so it felt easier and talking to him about my problems made me feel better as I knew I had someone in my life I could talk too. This friendship ended due to reasons I will not go into, but I still felt happier as I had had the support from someone who I knew cared about me.
I started college in 2013 and met some amazing people there who kept me motivated and my mind off things. I was in a relationship at the beginning of college which ended 10 months later but as there were another couple girls going through breakups too, I had support and we helped each other through it! About a month after the break up I met Ollie and I felt happier than I had done in years. At the beginning of the relationship he supported me when I had a 'relapse' and would be there to listen. Fast forward a year into out relationship and he started to show his true colours. I was accused everyday for the 2 years we were together of cheating on him, having to prove what I was doing and who I was with (yes I had to take pictures when I went out with my mum, of my mum to prove I was doing what I said I was), constantly put down- I had attempted a blog while we were together in the beginning and he hated when I wore makeup out as I was- and quote 'trying to impress other guys and get their attention'. This relationship started to get very toxic, very quickly, but as I was 'in love' with him I didn't see it. There were constant arguments, I wasn't allowed to see a friend of mine because she would suggest meeting for a drink and I'd apparently get drunk and end up out in town.
At the beginning of last year I started going downhill again. I started to self harm again and actually took it a step further. I had been having suicidal thoughts for a while and I wasn't getting any support from Ollie- whenever I cried due to depression it was because I had actually 'cheated and felt bad'. As my life was spinning out  of control, I thought that ending my life was the better option than ending the toxic relationship. I ended up in the hospital 3 times within about a month, maybe 2, where I had overdosed on pills. I had attempted 4 times, but the last time I was constantly sick until it was out my system.
After that he would still accuse me and say I was just attention seeking if I cried too, so he was still no help. The relationship ended earlier this year and although I didn't want it too- he told me he didn't love me and left me for someone else, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me! I had amazing friends, reconnected with people I had lost due to him and met people. For once I was in control of my life, I was able to actually go out clubbing, something I had done twice when I turned 18 due to 2 relationships, and I was going out and having fun! I've attempted other relationships but things have got in the way or I've been too scared due to what he did to me. I am learning to love myself more and I'm in a much better place. Well I thought I was, until Tuesday. It had been a very busy day at work and the I had ICT in the evening in order to pass my apprenticeship, and when I got home there was a feeling inside me, a feeling I knew wouldn't end well. I decided to try and relax by having a bath, which helped to begin with but as I was sat there, with nothing but my own thoughts taunting me, I burst out into tears. I had had enough and thought that I could stick my head under the water and drown myself as this would get rid of all the problems. I decided against it as I was trying to think about everything positive in my life, I have a family and friends who love me, I have a job, I have this which is my passion, and I have everyone who reads my posts as I know it's a support network too. I know my life could be worse, but that will never stop this demon inside me, eating at my happiness but I am trying to push through it and get myself into a place I know I will be happy in and not be effected as much by this monster which consumes me!
I know this post was VERY different from what I normally post, but I wanted to post it as I know more and more people suffer with mental health problems, and no one likes to talk about it. I want to break the barrier down and let you in as much as possible so you realise I am also human, I do suffer with mental health problems and that WE can overcome anything that stands in the way of happiness! I will always be here if anyone ever needs someone to talk to! I've been through what you're going through and I want you to know that I will listen when no one else does, I will support you when you feel lonely and that I will always be here for anyone who needs it!
If you ever want to drop me an email, please do- saraharpum95@gmail.com. I check this account everyday and will respond to as many people as I can who just need someone to talk too, or to rant too or who needs any support!
Xxx
Sara

Lush Tunbridge Wells Event 2016

On Saturday I had the privilege of going to yet another Lush blogger event in Tunbridge Wells. This time was to celebrate the launch of their Christmas range. As I have been to previous events before, I had a rough idea of how the night would go. As I loved the events in the past, I invited my friend Lianne, who is a YouTuber- LiaRose, as I knew she'd love the events just as much as I have previously.  

As we were walking down to Lush, I saw Courtney- sberrydream who I have met at both the previous events. It was so nice to see a familiar face as it helps make the event less daunting. We walked up to her and I introduced Lianne and Courtney to each other. There were a lot of familiar faces I saw- Clarice from clarice_is_in_wonderland and Jen from tabbycatcollars (although I didn't get to say hi.. Hi Jen!) As soon as they unlocked the doors to let us in, my heart started racing with excitement!

We were divided into 2 groups- 1 group made products while the others were shown the products, and then we swapped. I was in the group which were shown the products and it was amazing. All the smells and colours were unreal. First we were shown luxury lush pud which left amazing colours in the water. It had that Christmas smell, I can't describe it, it just smelt like Christmas in a bath bomb! After we were shown shoot for the stars- I was lucky enough to be given one of these in my goody bag which I'm super excited to try! The blue colour was amazing and it smelt like an orange earl grey, weird way of describing it, but it contains orange and bergamot oil.

After we had been shown the bath bombs and bubble bars, we were shown their body conditioners. This product is amazing! it's exactly the same as a conditioner for your hair, except you use it on your body to give you super soft skin. We were first shown ... and it smelt incredible! I loved the pink colour and the iridescent sheen it had to it, just made it all that more perfect! I will be picking this product up when I next go to Lush! We were also shown sleepy but didn't get to try this out. They also let us try out fairy dust which left the skin feeling soft and a slight sparkle.

When it was time to swap over, we were taken upstairs in the store. Tunbridge Wells are one of the few stores which has an area to host parties or events while the store is still open. When we got upstairs, we gathered round a table and were told we were going to be making the Ruby Slipper. All the ingredients were placed into a bowl and mixed together- it looked a lot like pink bread! As there was glitter left over from the other groups, it was added to our mixture to make it extra glittery! We were told that the mould for the slipper shape was clinging onto the mixture for dear life, so could make any shape we wanted- I opted for a heart. 

Once we had finished decorating our bubble bars, I gobbled down 2 mince pies- its early I know, but they looked so good and I couldn't resist myself! While we were all eating cake and mince pies, I got talking to Nella from ringonthedoorbell I was mentioning that I had been to the previous two events and she said she had been to the first one, so it was good to meet people I hadn't had the chance to speak too in the other events! 

We all went back downstairs and I was talking to Bronwen about one of the products they sell. It's a face powder which is completely translucent and great for oily skin. I had to get this product and I picked up an eye cream and their highlighter too. After I had taken a few more pictures and paid for my items, I was given a goodie bag with a little gift inside. I was saying goodbye and Seb mentioned that the next even will probably be a Lush party which I'm looking forward too!

I had an amazing time as I have done in the past and I'm so thankful that my blog gets me opportunities like this. I cannot wait to attend more blogger events in the future!

Xxx

Sara

Lush blogger event

So this Saturday there is yet another blogger event at Lush in Tunbridge Wells. This time it is showcasing their Christmas collection and I cannot wait!


I will be posting my outfit and makeup for the blogger event and then have a post up within the next couple of weeks of what we were shown and my thoughts on the products.


I'm hoping to upload a post tonight, I'm just not 100% sure what I want to post!


Xxx


Sara

Tunbridge wells haul

I tend to spend a lot of time in Tunbridge Wells, if you haven't noticed. It's become a second home almost as it has pretty much everything I need. I love coming to Tunbridge Wells, even if it's just for a browse in the shops or walking through the pantiles- check them out of you come to Tunbridge Wells!

I have been so thankful that they opened a Charlotte Tilbury stand in Fenwick here! I've purchased a few products and have fallen in love so decided to get their magic foundation and an eyeshadow duo with an eye pencil. They offer a lot of colours and it was really hard to pick. I picked up the shade supernova/on the prowl. The eye pencil is a dark grey wich a hint of sparkle in and the eyeshowdow is more of a mauve with sparkles in. I love the colour and I'm glad I picked it up! If you hadn't already guessed, I'm super pale. I picked up the magic foundation in the shade 2- honestly surprised me when I was told I wasn't the lightest shade! I'm yet to try this foundation but will have a first impressions of all the makeup i picked up today. I've heard good things about this foundation so I can't wait to try it out! 

After spending WAY too much in Fenwick, I went to the body shop to pick up one of their new masks. Last week I got a sample of the Himalayan Charcoal purifying glow mask and my skin felt incredible after. It was so soft and felt super clean! It contains bamboo charcoal from the Himalayan Foothills which draws out impurities and excess oils from the skin, green tea leaves from Japan which are rich in antioxidants and catechins which exfoliate the skin- hence why it felt super soft but was a weird experience applying, and community trade tea tree oil from Kenya which helps keep skin looking clearer. Anyone who suffers with acne like I do, either from a medical condition or adult acne, give this a go! It works wonders.

I couldn't walk past Ann Summers without browsing their sale. I picked up a matching set of underwear- no nothing else, which had been reduced. It's a black set with lace detail. I normally shop at Victoria's Secret- expensive I know, but my friend Lianne has a few sets from Ann Summers and goes on about how comfy they are so I thought while it was in the sale I'll get one!

As it's Lianne's birthday tomorrow and we're going for dinner and a night out this weekend, I wanted to pick up some false nails as I've bitten mine- naughty I know! I had some for the wedding we went too last weekend, a post will follow about my outfit, but they've all come off so I thought I'd get some new ones. These are acrylic looking nails as although I can do acrylics myself, I can never be bothered. Once I have applied them, I will post a picture on Instagram so keep an eye out! As I was in boots picking he nails, I looked at the face washes to try new skincare out for you. I noticed that the Yesto detoxifying charcoal cleanser was on clearance so I picked one up. Anything with charcoal in is really good for oily and spot prone skin, so make sure to check it out. I will have a review of it up soon to let you know my thoughts. I also picked up the NYX full throttle lipstick in night crawler. It's perfect for this time of the year! I will let you know my thoughts on his product soon.

I know I've said it like 5 million times already, but all the products I've picked up I will do either a review or a first impressions on. 

Xxx

Sara

Current top 3 products

I haven't done one of these posts before but I thought I'd give it a go. When I was looking for inspiration for what to write, 'current favourites' and 'current top products' kept coming up so I decided to do my own spin on it. Currently it's 3 products, but it could change to more or less products. 

The other week I posted about the Benefit precisely, my brows so I won't go into too much detail, but I love this product! I did however buy the wrong shade, but the more pressure I apply the darker the product becomes. After I've applied the pencil I use gimme brow as it darkens them up. This pencil is so easy to use and creates a natural looking brow.

After Christmas last year I bought the Clinique moisture surge face spray as I loved using this at work. I worked on a No7 counter in boots and whenever my face felt tight or irritated I would use this products as the gorgeous girls on Clinique said it would relieve the tight feeling. I continue to use this product when my face feels tight or I need to cool down. It feels refreshing on the skin and instantly makes my skin feel amazing! 

For my birthday I received Paul Smith woman. It's a beautiful floral fragrance which smells amazing! I'm not normally a floral wearer but this one smells great and isn't over powering which is why I don't normally wear floral perfumes. This one is a subtle floral fragrance so I'm in love with it! 

As I said in my brow 'first impressions' I was going to get the 3D browtones. I've recent bought this product and I'm testing it out so will have a post up soon! 

Xxx

Sara

Mini update

Now I know back in April/May time I updated you with my new hair. It's ben a little crazy since then. I decided I didn't want to be red anymore so I dyed my hair back to brown, then decided I wanted to go blonde. I used one of those at home kits as I didn't have the money to just go and get my hair done at a salon.


It was an okay process, apart from my mum freaking out when it started going white- it needed to go white for me to then dye it, so I washed it out WAY earlier than I should have because I started freaking out as my mum was freaking out and ended up with multi-coloured blonde hair. It was actually really funny to look at, some parts were white, others were orange and then most of it was a natural blonde colour. After a week of messing around with my hair to go blonde- I did manage to get it to a reasonable blonde with very brassy undertones which didn't go, I couldn't be bothered with trying anymore so I went back to brown. After a few days of being brown, I wanted to be red again, so alas I am back to being red and I LOVE it!


I also did something a little crazy, which I want to repeat. I went and got my nipple pierced! I know it's TMI but I love it and I'm glad I made the decision to go and get it done! Of course my mum came with me and of course she freaked out! We were walking to the piercing shop and she kept saying how she was going to be sick- she was against me getting it, but what can she do? It was a strange process, the woman sat me down, we decided where I wanted it done and it was over within 5 minutes! Once I got home I couldn't stop looking at it, like it was a new born child!


I originally only wanted one done, but now I have just one I want the other done as I love it so much. Who knows, maybe in a couple months time I'll be updating you about it being done!


I want to post updates regularly, maybe once or twice a month so I can keep you all updated as to what's going on in my life. I am actually going to bluewater tonight to get an Ipad and camera so I can start creating YouTube videos, I just need to know what camera to go for. If you have any suggestions, please let me know in the comments below or on my social media- saralouisehxo on Instagram, Twitter and snapchat!


Xxx


Sara

Benefit brow products

It took me a little while to jump on the bandwagon, but I finally went out and bought the Benefit precisely, my brow pencil and the browvo! conditioning primer. I thought my brows were doing great and finally started to look the same, but about 2 months ago the right brow decided it wasn't going to grow anymore, so when I have nothing on my brows they are COMPLETELY different! I can't even remember what I was using before I bought the Benefit precisely, my brow, but whatever it was didn't make my brows look anything like this does! I love this product- the colour is too light for me as my hair wasn't red at the time I bought it, but I don't care!

I love how thin the pencil is and I love that there's a spoolie on the other end. I start by applying the conditioning primer. This is meant to create a thicker looking brow, which I've noticed it does slightly and makes my brows stay in place. I use 2 twists of the product instead of the 1 they recommend. After I've brushed them in place with the conditioning primer I use the spoolie just to make sure they stay in place (the primer is still slightly sticky at this point which helps to keep them in place). I always start with my right brow as my left one has the arch whereas I have to work on the right one. I do this one first because then I'm not comparing the bad brow to the good brow.

I start by creating the arch on my right brow. Now there are a few hairs there so I feather the product round to create a curved arch as I find it's more natural and my left arch is naturally curved. Once I have feathered the arch in, I line the top of my brow starting from the arch to the tail and then from the beginning of my brow to where I created the arch. I then line the bottom of my brow, starting from the beginning of my brow through to the tail. I still feather the pencil as it creates a softer look. After I've filled in my right brow, I do exactly the same with my left brow, starting at the arch.

To finish my brows I run the spoolie through to make sure everything is blended and looks natural. I then use the Benefit gimme brow, although I'm looking to change to the 3D BROWtones eyebrow enhancer. I want to try this as it gives the illusion of thicker, fuller brows.

When I get the 3D BROWtones eyebrow enhancer, I will be doing a review and I'll let you guys know what I think about it.

Xxx

Sara