YouTube channel

Hello everyone,

So I finally plucked up the courage to start a YouTube channel! I currently have 2 videos uploaded (1 from Instagram, the other I filmed earlier today). 

I wanted to let you guys know that I have started to upload on my YouTube channel. I will leave a link down below, don't forget to subscribe!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nZ3Y8MOCceU

Xxx

Sara

New Year, New Me?

First off I want to apologise for not taking part in Blogmas like I said I would! I really wanted to take part in Blogmas but everything just got on top of me with my mental health. In this post I will be updating you on what's going on with that so you know where I'm at.

At the beginning of December- 5th December to be exact, I had an appointment with my local GP. I was able to sit down with her and explain what I was concerned about and what I wanted to happen. After talking to her, I came away with antidepressants and was waiting a referral for a mental health clinic near where I live. I started the course of antidepressants the following day and have noticed a change in my mood- I'm still feeling depressed and suicidal, but it's nowhere near as much as it used to be. Once the referral came through, I went to this clinic for an assessment and want put on antipsychotics, as well as other tablets to help with the symptoms. I was put on the antipsychotics to help with the voices I hear. I've been hearing voices for about 5 years now and since my mental health took a massive turn for the worst, that's when I decided it was time to sort it out! I am currently taking 5 tablets a day to help with my mental health but will keep you updated on my journey as I hopefully discover what's going on in my head soon!

My goal for this year is to blog more. I am still working out when I'll post, but it will most likely be once a week until I get back into the swing of things. I will be going back to physically handwriting my posts out so all I have to do is copy it from the notebook, which made my blogging life so much easier! It also helps me keep a track on what I've written so I don't post the same or something similar.

I will do another update in a couple months time (not including my mental health journey) to review how the blogging is going. I am also thinking of doing a review for once a month of how that specific month has been- I would write down the date and what happened so I could do a mini review/update from that month and can see how far I've come from the beginning of the year to the end!

Xxx

Sara

Blogmas day 3- Christmas photo challenge

I found the above picture on Pinterest and loved the idea of doing a Christmas photo challenge. I will be uploading the first 7 pictures to Instagram as soon as I get home (I tweeted earlier about why I've been missing from Blogmas) but I can't wait to try the photo challenge! 

I did credit the original creator of this post on Instagram- it took a lot of searching to find her, but luckily she had commented on a post of someone who used her # which made it somewhat easier to find it. She didn't comment when she created this challenge but it just happy to see it still going around! 

Keep an eye out on Instagram later tonight of the posts from this challenge!

Xxx

Sara

Blogmas day 1- Christmas bucket list

         

It's that time of the year again where we get to talk about CHRISTMAS!!! As I sorta explained in a tweet, I'm doing Blogmas a little different this year. I will still be posting but it'll be every other day rather than everyday. This is because of personal issues and work. I get that people have a full time jobs and still post everyday- I admire you, but due to a recent post, I am struggling with motivation to write (I shall keep you updated on the journey I'm facing).

Anyway back to the fun stuff!! I thought the first Blogmas post this year should be a Christmas bucket list. I was searching through Pinterest at anything Christmas related and came across a few different bucket lists. It gave me the idea to do one myself as I want to cram as much Christmas stuff in as I can before the big day! I'm not going to make it a long list, but a list I can do whilst I'm working too. 

- Drink homemade hot chocolate

- Take a Christmassy picture with a red cup

- Decorate my tree

- Start a new Christmas tradition

- Visit Winter Wonderland

- Bake cookie

- Watch 3 Christmas films in a row

- Make a Christmas card

- Make Christmas decorations

- Build a gingerbread house

- Visit a Christmas market

Let me know what you get up too this Christmas!

Xxx

Sara

Makeup Haul

Now this isn't going to be a massive post as I haven't bought that much makeup recently, but I thought I'd include the Tanya Burr Christmas advent calendar. I was very impatient and opened it up early- I will post what came in it, but I cant remember the days. Another reason I opened it earlier is because I purchased the House of Fraser advent calendar. I do hope to buy another calendar, it's just finding one, so please tell me which one I should get!

I've been slacking in the buying makeup department, I mean I still get loads of joy out of it but I'm just struggling to chose what to buy. With this being said, my dad miraculously gifts me with some money a few weeks back so I, of course, went on a shopping spree! As I didn't own anything from Chanel, I really wanted to get something. I was looking on the House of Fraser website and saw the Le Blanc De Chanel multi-use illuminating base. As its a multi-use base you can use it for a number of things. Their websit says you can use it as a : 

- foundation base

- concealer

- illuminating base

- radiance booster

I use it as a foundation base and an illuminating base. It makes my foundation last all day whilst adding a subtle luminosity to the face. I always refer back to my skin type, but as I've got oily skin I've always been scared of anything illuminating- including highlighter, as I'm worried it'll make me look oily and shiny, but this base doesn't do that! I'm so glad I picked this up as my skin feel softer, it smells amazing and my foundation lasts all day.

Another item I have been wanting to pick up for ages was the Laura Mercier loose setting powder. I picked up the universal shade as I'm so pale, I've found translucent still adds colour to my skin! This powder feels so light on the skin and sets my foundation in place all day. It doesn't cake up on my face as it's finely milled which helps to keep it feeling light on my skin. It contains light reflectors which help to blur lines and it doesn't settle into pores or lines. It is also non-comedogenic and oil-free! 

Now I think NYX is becoming my favourite drugstore brand. It's cheap, the quality is amazing and they offer a wide range of colours in their soft matte lip creams- which are AMAZING! I picked up their above and beyond full coverage concealer in porcelain and the Proof It! Waterproof Eye Shadow Primer to see how it compares to the Urban Decay primer potion. I will have a separate post up about how well the concealer wears and how the eyeshadow primer compares. 

I will have a new post up this week about my thoughts on the concealer and primer, and possibly a new makeup routine.

Xxx

Sara

Getting to know me

Now I posted back in March about a getting to know me series. I wasn't sure when I would be posting again in this series but after last week, I feel I need to post again.


Back in 2012 when I was at sixth form things started to get pretty bad. My relationship with my dad wasn't great- it's not perfect now, but it's improving and I'm seeing him more, and I was struggling in a relationship that I was no longer happy in. Because of the stress of school and the relationships with both my dad and an ex, I started to struggle with depression. It started out where I wouldn't want to go into school, or I'd want to go home if I had gone to school. It then progressed to me self harming. I had come clean to my tutor at school saying that I was struggling with relationships and school, and that I had been self harming myself. She gave me the support I needed and I'm thankful I had her in my life when things got bad.
I eventually came clean to my mum as well who decided to book in sessions for me to speak to someone. This was a mistake, I went to 2 sessions and came out feeling worse than when I went in because I felt she wasn't helping the problems but making excuses for people who I was having bad relationships with- telling me that my dad might not make an effort with me as I got older due to certain things in his life, rather than telling me how I could work and build on the relationship.
The relationship I was in at the time eventually broke down 2 months later and I felt free and happier than I had done for a while, but after the summer realised I only had friends because of the relationship I had been in. I was still suffering with depression but met an amazing person, who is still in my life, and he made everything seem easier. We hadn't met in person as he was living in Manchester at the time we met, but we spoke on the phone nearly every night and Skyped a lot so it felt easier and talking to him about my problems made me feel better as I knew I had someone in my life I could talk too. This friendship ended due to reasons I will not go into, but I still felt happier as I had had the support from someone who I knew cared about me.
I started college in 2013 and met some amazing people there who kept me motivated and my mind off things. I was in a relationship at the beginning of college which ended 10 months later but as there were another couple girls going through breakups too, I had support and we helped each other through it! About a month after the break up I met Ollie and I felt happier than I had done in years. At the beginning of the relationship he supported me when I had a 'relapse' and would be there to listen. Fast forward a year into out relationship and he started to show his true colours. I was accused everyday for the 2 years we were together of cheating on him, having to prove what I was doing and who I was with (yes I had to take pictures when I went out with my mum, of my mum to prove I was doing what I said I was), constantly put down- I had attempted a blog while we were together in the beginning and he hated when I wore makeup out as I was- and quote 'trying to impress other guys and get their attention'. This relationship started to get very toxic, very quickly, but as I was 'in love' with him I didn't see it. There were constant arguments, I wasn't allowed to see a friend of mine because she would suggest meeting for a drink and I'd apparently get drunk and end up out in town.
At the beginning of last year I started going downhill again. I started to self harm again and actually took it a step further. I had been having suicidal thoughts for a while and I wasn't getting any support from Ollie- whenever I cried due to depression it was because I had actually 'cheated and felt bad'. As my life was spinning out  of control, I thought that ending my life was the better option than ending the toxic relationship. I ended up in the hospital 3 times within about a month, maybe 2, where I had overdosed on pills. I had attempted 4 times, but the last time I was constantly sick until it was out my system.
After that he would still accuse me and say I was just attention seeking if I cried too, so he was still no help. The relationship ended earlier this year and although I didn't want it too- he told me he didn't love me and left me for someone else, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me! I had amazing friends, reconnected with people I had lost due to him and met people. For once I was in control of my life, I was able to actually go out clubbing, something I had done twice when I turned 18 due to 2 relationships, and I was going out and having fun! I've attempted other relationships but things have got in the way or I've been too scared due to what he did to me. I am learning to love myself more and I'm in a much better place. Well I thought I was, until Tuesday. It had been a very busy day at work and the I had ICT in the evening in order to pass my apprenticeship, and when I got home there was a feeling inside me, a feeling I knew wouldn't end well. I decided to try and relax by having a bath, which helped to begin with but as I was sat there, with nothing but my own thoughts taunting me, I burst out into tears. I had had enough and thought that I could stick my head under the water and drown myself as this would get rid of all the problems. I decided against it as I was trying to think about everything positive in my life, I have a family and friends who love me, I have a job, I have this which is my passion, and I have everyone who reads my posts as I know it's a support network too. I know my life could be worse, but that will never stop this demon inside me, eating at my happiness but I am trying to push through it and get myself into a place I know I will be happy in and not be effected as much by this monster which consumes me!
I know this post was VERY different from what I normally post, but I wanted to post it as I know more and more people suffer with mental health problems, and no one likes to talk about it. I want to break the barrier down and let you in as much as possible so you realise I am also human, I do suffer with mental health problems and that WE can overcome anything that stands in the way of happiness! I will always be here if anyone ever needs someone to talk to! I've been through what you're going through and I want you to know that I will listen when no one else does, I will support you when you feel lonely and that I will always be here for anyone who needs it!
If you ever want to drop me an email, please do- saraharpum95@gmail.com. I check this account everyday and will respond to as many people as I can who just need someone to talk too, or to rant too or who needs any support!
Xxx
Sara

Lush Tunbridge Wells Event 2016

On Saturday I had the privilege of going to yet another Lush blogger event in Tunbridge Wells. This time was to celebrate the launch of their Christmas range. As I have been to previous events before, I had a rough idea of how the night would go. As I loved the events in the past, I invited my friend Lianne, who is a YouTuber- LiaRose, as I knew she'd love the events just as much as I have previously.  

As we were walking down to Lush, I saw Courtney- sberrydream who I have met at both the previous events. It was so nice to see a familiar face as it helps make the event less daunting. We walked up to her and I introduced Lianne and Courtney to each other. There were a lot of familiar faces I saw- Clarice from clarice_is_in_wonderland and Jen from tabbycatcollars (although I didn't get to say hi.. Hi Jen!) As soon as they unlocked the doors to let us in, my heart started racing with excitement!

We were divided into 2 groups- 1 group made products while the others were shown the products, and then we swapped. I was in the group which were shown the products and it was amazing. All the smells and colours were unreal. First we were shown luxury lush pud which left amazing colours in the water. It had that Christmas smell, I can't describe it, it just smelt like Christmas in a bath bomb! After we were shown shoot for the stars- I was lucky enough to be given one of these in my goody bag which I'm super excited to try! The blue colour was amazing and it smelt like an orange earl grey, weird way of describing it, but it contains orange and bergamot oil.

After we had been shown the bath bombs and bubble bars, we were shown their body conditioners. This product is amazing! it's exactly the same as a conditioner for your hair, except you use it on your body to give you super soft skin. We were first shown ... and it smelt incredible! I loved the pink colour and the iridescent sheen it had to it, just made it all that more perfect! I will be picking this product up when I next go to Lush! We were also shown sleepy but didn't get to try this out. They also let us try out fairy dust which left the skin feeling soft and a slight sparkle.

When it was time to swap over, we were taken upstairs in the store. Tunbridge Wells are one of the few stores which has an area to host parties or events while the store is still open. When we got upstairs, we gathered round a table and were told we were going to be making the Ruby Slipper. All the ingredients were placed into a bowl and mixed together- it looked a lot like pink bread! As there was glitter left over from the other groups, it was added to our mixture to make it extra glittery! We were told that the mould for the slipper shape was clinging onto the mixture for dear life, so could make any shape we wanted- I opted for a heart. 

Once we had finished decorating our bubble bars, I gobbled down 2 mince pies- its early I know, but they looked so good and I couldn't resist myself! While we were all eating cake and mince pies, I got talking to Nella from ringonthedoorbell I was mentioning that I had been to the previous two events and she said she had been to the first one, so it was good to meet people I hadn't had the chance to speak too in the other events! 

We all went back downstairs and I was talking to Bronwen about one of the products they sell. It's a face powder which is completely translucent and great for oily skin. I had to get this product and I picked up an eye cream and their highlighter too. After I had taken a few more pictures and paid for my items, I was given a goodie bag with a little gift inside. I was saying goodbye and Seb mentioned that the next even will probably be a Lush party which I'm looking forward too!

I had an amazing time as I have done in the past and I'm so thankful that my blog gets me opportunities like this. I cannot wait to attend more blogger events in the future!

Xxx

Sara