Makeup Haul

Now this isn't going to be a massive post as I haven't bought that much makeup recently, but I thought I'd include the Tanya Burr Christmas advent calendar. I was very impatient and opened it up early- I will post what came in it, but I cant remember the days. Another reason I opened it earlier is because I purchased the House of Fraser advent calendar. I do hope to buy another calendar, it's just finding one, so please tell me which one I should get!

I've been slacking in the buying makeup department, I mean I still get loads of joy out of it but I'm just struggling to chose what to buy. With this being said, my dad miraculously gifts me with some money a few weeks back so I, of course, went on a shopping spree! As I didn't own anything from Chanel, I really wanted to get something. I was looking on the House of Fraser website and saw the Le Blanc De Chanel multi-use illuminating base. As its a multi-use base you can use it for a number of things. Their websit says you can use it as a : 

- foundation base

- concealer

- illuminating base

- radiance booster

I use it as a foundation base and an illuminating base. It makes my foundation last all day whilst adding a subtle luminosity to the face. I always refer back to my skin type, but as I've got oily skin I've always been scared of anything illuminating- including highlighter, as I'm worried it'll make me look oily and shiny, but this base doesn't do that! I'm so glad I picked this up as my skin feel softer, it smells amazing and my foundation lasts all day.

Another item I have been wanting to pick up for ages was the Laura Mercier loose setting powder. I picked up the universal shade as I'm so pale, I've found translucent still adds colour to my skin! This powder feels so light on the skin and sets my foundation in place all day. It doesn't cake up on my face as it's finely milled which helps to keep it feeling light on my skin. It contains light reflectors which help to blur lines and it doesn't settle into pores or lines. It is also non-comedogenic and oil-free! 

Now I think NYX is becoming my favourite drugstore brand. It's cheap, the quality is amazing and they offer a wide range of colours in their soft matte lip creams- which are AMAZING! I picked up their above and beyond full coverage concealer in porcelain and the Proof It! Waterproof Eye Shadow Primer to see how it compares to the Urban Decay primer potion. I will have a separate post up about how well the concealer wears and how the eyeshadow primer compares. 

I will have a new post up this week about my thoughts on the concealer and primer, and possibly a new makeup routine.

Xxx

Sara

Getting to know me

Now I posted back in March about a getting to know me series. I wasn't sure when I would be posting again in this series but after last week, I feel I need to post again.


Back in 2012 when I was at sixth form things started to get pretty bad. My relationship with my dad wasn't great- it's not perfect now, but it's improving and I'm seeing him more, and I was struggling in a relationship that I was no longer happy in. Because of the stress of school and the relationships with both my dad and an ex, I started to struggle with depression. It started out where I wouldn't want to go into school, or I'd want to go home if I had gone to school. It then progressed to me self harming. I had come clean to my tutor at school saying that I was struggling with relationships and school, and that I had been self harming myself. She gave me the support I needed and I'm thankful I had her in my life when things got bad.
I eventually came clean to my mum as well who decided to book in sessions for me to speak to someone. This was a mistake, I went to 2 sessions and came out feeling worse than when I went in because I felt she wasn't helping the problems but making excuses for people who I was having bad relationships with- telling me that my dad might not make an effort with me as I got older due to certain things in his life, rather than telling me how I could work and build on the relationship.
The relationship I was in at the time eventually broke down 2 months later and I felt free and happier than I had done for a while, but after the summer realised I only had friends because of the relationship I had been in. I was still suffering with depression but met an amazing person, who is still in my life, and he made everything seem easier. We hadn't met in person as he was living in Manchester at the time we met, but we spoke on the phone nearly every night and Skyped a lot so it felt easier and talking to him about my problems made me feel better as I knew I had someone in my life I could talk too. This friendship ended due to reasons I will not go into, but I still felt happier as I had had the support from someone who I knew cared about me.
I started college in 2013 and met some amazing people there who kept me motivated and my mind off things. I was in a relationship at the beginning of college which ended 10 months later but as there were another couple girls going through breakups too, I had support and we helped each other through it! About a month after the break up I met Ollie and I felt happier than I had done in years. At the beginning of the relationship he supported me when I had a 'relapse' and would be there to listen. Fast forward a year into out relationship and he started to show his true colours. I was accused everyday for the 2 years we were together of cheating on him, having to prove what I was doing and who I was with (yes I had to take pictures when I went out with my mum, of my mum to prove I was doing what I said I was), constantly put down- I had attempted a blog while we were together in the beginning and he hated when I wore makeup out as I was- and quote 'trying to impress other guys and get their attention'. This relationship started to get very toxic, very quickly, but as I was 'in love' with him I didn't see it. There were constant arguments, I wasn't allowed to see a friend of mine because she would suggest meeting for a drink and I'd apparently get drunk and end up out in town.
At the beginning of last year I started going downhill again. I started to self harm again and actually took it a step further. I had been having suicidal thoughts for a while and I wasn't getting any support from Ollie- whenever I cried due to depression it was because I had actually 'cheated and felt bad'. As my life was spinning out  of control, I thought that ending my life was the better option than ending the toxic relationship. I ended up in the hospital 3 times within about a month, maybe 2, where I had overdosed on pills. I had attempted 4 times, but the last time I was constantly sick until it was out my system.
After that he would still accuse me and say I was just attention seeking if I cried too, so he was still no help. The relationship ended earlier this year and although I didn't want it too- he told me he didn't love me and left me for someone else, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me! I had amazing friends, reconnected with people I had lost due to him and met people. For once I was in control of my life, I was able to actually go out clubbing, something I had done twice when I turned 18 due to 2 relationships, and I was going out and having fun! I've attempted other relationships but things have got in the way or I've been too scared due to what he did to me. I am learning to love myself more and I'm in a much better place. Well I thought I was, until Tuesday. It had been a very busy day at work and the I had ICT in the evening in order to pass my apprenticeship, and when I got home there was a feeling inside me, a feeling I knew wouldn't end well. I decided to try and relax by having a bath, which helped to begin with but as I was sat there, with nothing but my own thoughts taunting me, I burst out into tears. I had had enough and thought that I could stick my head under the water and drown myself as this would get rid of all the problems. I decided against it as I was trying to think about everything positive in my life, I have a family and friends who love me, I have a job, I have this which is my passion, and I have everyone who reads my posts as I know it's a support network too. I know my life could be worse, but that will never stop this demon inside me, eating at my happiness but I am trying to push through it and get myself into a place I know I will be happy in and not be effected as much by this monster which consumes me!
I know this post was VERY different from what I normally post, but I wanted to post it as I know more and more people suffer with mental health problems, and no one likes to talk about it. I want to break the barrier down and let you in as much as possible so you realise I am also human, I do suffer with mental health problems and that WE can overcome anything that stands in the way of happiness! I will always be here if anyone ever needs someone to talk to! I've been through what you're going through and I want you to know that I will listen when no one else does, I will support you when you feel lonely and that I will always be here for anyone who needs it!
If you ever want to drop me an email, please do- saraharpum95@gmail.com. I check this account everyday and will respond to as many people as I can who just need someone to talk too, or to rant too or who needs any support!
Xxx
Sara