Struggling with mental health

Don't get me wrong, I always have a smile on my face and I'm always laughing but that doesn't mean I'm necessarily happy with myself. Last night something cracked inside of me and I couldn't stop crying. I was fine, sat watching TV and then decided to have a shower. I got into the shower and something changed. I don't know what and I don't know why but I all of a sudden burst into tears.




I mean I'm an emotional person anyway but for something to change that quick inside of my head means I have something else going on- what this thing is I have no clue! I won't go into too much detail about my mental health as I've already posted about it in the mental health awareness week post. I just wanted to create a post so you all know that I'm not always this happy person and there are days where I feel like utter crap and have no motivation to leave the house!
One thing which has been getting me through the week is that Lush are having another blogger event in Tunbridge Wells so all week I have been looking forward to that- and my day off tomorrow! Whenever you're feeling down or depressed or even just sad, look to see if there's something happening in the future which will help make the days, weeks or even months better. I turn 21 in 6 weeks and I'm really looking forward to that, so that is also something else which is getting me through tough times.
I want you all to know that I love all of you and no matter how tough it gets, we can get through the tough times! You are always able to drop me an email or tweet me if you're feeling down as I don't want anyone going through what I go through alone!
Xx
Sara

Clean and clear moisturiser review

Just over a week ago I went into Boots and took advantage of their 3 for 2 offer- I mean I was already buying a face scrub for my mum and I needed a new moisturiser so I got a moisturiser and a face wash. I will be reviewing the face wash at a separate time as I'm currently trying to use my Liz Earle cleanse and polish.

I always get funny when trying new skincare products as they all seem to break me out- except the really expensive brands obviously! I thought seeing as they're on offer and I want a new moisturiser I'd give it a go! I'm always a bit sceptical when it comes to trying new products as I don't know if I'll like them or if they'll work but I wanted to try a new brand.

When I've done a review in the past it's normally been after a month or so of having the product, but as I'm really liking this moisturiser I wanted to review it earlier. I've tried plenty of moisturisers in my time and I've noticed that they don't always add moisture to my face. I mean they add a nice, greasy layer on my face, but no hydration or moisture- which is what I need! I've had many which are too thick on my skin or feel like I've splashed water on my face, and nothing seems to make my skin feel hydrated! This moisturiser is different, it gives that moisturised, hydrated feeling without the greasy, sticky feeling you get with the majority of moisturisers.

I apply a 10p size- give or take, depending on how my skin feels, and work it into my face in slow, circular motions. Doing this has helped to reduce puffiness, helped to reduce the look of my spots and has just given an all over glow as I'm adding blood circulation back. Using this size means I don't waste any product and my face feels hydrated without going over the top.

Since using this moisturiser I've noticed that my skin seems to be getting better- I say this now but will probably wake up tomorrow with 5 new spots, always the way! My skin looks clear and has a nicer feel and texture. I've also noticed that using this moisturiser doesn't make me as oily as others I've used. I am however still looking for a primer which will banish the shine altogether- all my oily skin ladies, once I find it, I shall let you know and share the secret to non-oily skin! You are just going to need to give me some time so I can actually find it first!

As I said earlier I will review the face wash a little later, I'm currently switching between that one and the Liz Earle cleanse and polish. It will be up soon though, I promise!

Xx

Sara

My MAC lipstick collection

After watching Gabby's (velvetgh0st) MAC lipstick collection on YouTube, it gave me a great idea to do my own MAC collection. I gathered up all of my MAC lipsticks, except two which I couldn't find- boo, and realised I had a lot more than I originally thought I did! I did swatches, but the lighting was really poor, so I am really sorry for how the pictures turned out. I will also swatch on my arm in better lighting so you can see the true colour.

Dance with me-

Fanfare-

Lustering-

Velvet teddy-

Mehr-

New York Apple-

Twig- 

Faux-

Rebel-

If you want to see more posts like this then let me know! I enjoyed doing it and seeing how much of an addiction I have. 

Xx

Sara

Special fx makeup

I love special fx makeup. I love watching movies where actors have the most amazing makeup done, it engrosses me into the film more and I can't stop staring! As a self taught makeup artist, I wanted to try special fx makeup for some time and the perfect time to try this is Halloween!

Back in 2014, I had seen loads of YouTube videos on burns and cuts and bruises so I wanted to give it a go for myself. In the days leading up to Halloween, I decided to buy some liquid latex and fake blood- I was going to get some face paints but didn't see the point as I have a big enough makeup collection to use the colours I needed. As this was my first time trying out special fx makeup, I didn't want to go too crazy so I started with a burn. For this I layered the liquid latex over the skin and while it was drying, I started to pick at it to make little holes which would form the blisters. After I had let this dry I dusted over some translucent powder to get rid of any shine, added a little black shadow to the centre and then went in with the fake blood. This was a messy process as it was very thick and gloopy so trying to get the fake blood to stick to my skin and look like I was bleeding was a little difficult. I managed to find a technique which worked- and ruined 2 makeup brushes, this involved using the other end of the brush to get the blood into the holes I had created, then using the bristle end to drag the blood around as it was a thin, small brush. After I had the blood on the 'burn', I went in with the eye shadows. To give the burn some depth I added a black shadow closer to the centre as that was where it looked the worst. I faded it out with some reds and purples to give the illusion of bruising and sore skin. I finally went in with a little more blood because you can never have too much blood, right? I sent my mum a picture of this burn after I had completed it and she thought I had done something serious to my arm. When I told her it was just makeup, she calmed down.

Halloween last year I wanted to try the same technique but in a different way. As I had work, and had learnt from the year before that the fake blood stains the skin, I didn't go over the top- especially as I was going to use my face as the canvas. As I wanted to turn myself into a 'zombie' I first went in with a really light concealer- I'm so pale that even the lightest shade of foundation is too dark for me. I used the Nars radiant creamy concealer in Chantilly as this makes me look white! Once I was pale, and looking a little ill, I went in with some purple eye shadows around my eyes to make me look tired and to make my eyes seem sunken in. After my base was done, I started with the.. I don't know what I'd call it, looking back now it looks more like a bullet wound than anything else, but seeing as it's on my cheek it's not really a bullet hole. We'll just call it a rotting flesh kinda thing. Anyway, I did the same as I did for the burn, layered the liquid latex and created a hole. Once I had created the hole, I went over the area with more concealer to blend it into my skin- as you can see from the picture below I didn't blend it out as well as I thought I did, but I wanted to make it look as skin coloured as possible. 

To give the illusion of irritated skin I went in with a pink/red blusher to make it look like it was red and irritated. For the actual rotting flesh, I went in with blacks and purples again to give it depth and make it look like it's a deep wound. I spent a while adding shadow then blending it out and adding and blending- this is the best way to do any makeup you wish to build up as it's a lot easier to correct any mistakes. After I had reached the desired darkness, I went it with the fake blood. I didn't add as much this time and I wanted it to drip down- it did however dry a lot quicker then expected so work quickly and take pictures as soon as you've finished! To finish the look off I just used a red lipstick, but wish I had gone over my lips with the concealer and added dark eye shadow in the centre of my lips to give a darker look and appearance. 

Whenever you create a makeup look, whether it be an everyday look, going out, celebrity inspired or special fx, make sure you take a picture and document it. I sent up an Instagram and Twitter as it helps you to connect with other bloggers and gets your name out there. I may not have many Instagram or Twitter followers, but they're slowly going up and the more you post, the more followers you will gain. Everyone starts off with a few followers but if you're consistent- which at times I'm not, you will get there and make a name for yourself.

Xx

Sara

Monthly favourites

I know I said I was going to attempt this every month, but I've decided to try it a little differently. It's going to be a May monthly favourites in May. I know it sounds crazy, but I always struggle to remember what I've been loving at the end of the month and I have no time to write it down. Doing it this way means I know what I've been loving for the month and I don't have to struggle at the end of the month.




This month I have been loving the Nars deepthroat blusher. It's such a gorgeous shade and compliments my skintone well. It is such a beautiful colour which gives a natural, rosy glow to the cheeks without overdoing it on the blush. A little bit goes a really long way and it has an amazing staying power!




I have also been loving MACs fanfare lipstick. When I bought this lipstick I don't know what I was thinking as it's a pink, and I don't wear pink lipsticks as I feel like they don't suit me. I got home and realised it was a lot pinker than I thought and at first I wasn't 100% sure whether or not to keep it. I tried it on and I'm so glad I kept it! It's the most beautiful shade ever and I wear it on a daily basis! It is my go to spring and summer lipstick!




I've mentioned this one ages ago but I'm really loving the Tresemme dry shampoo. It doesn't leave a white colour to the hair- with my red hair it's now a lot harder to hide these things, it has a nice scent, doesn't leave that weird, grainy feeling on your hands and works in really easily. This is my go to for when I can't be bothered to wash my hair or just want to add some volume.




I did an updated review of this product which I will leave here. This stuff is amazing at getting my makeup off and leaves my skin feeling soft. I've used oils before which have left my skin feeling slightly greasy or oily, but this stuff doesn't! It melts my makeup off and feels like a dream!


I've got a new foundation, face wash and moisturiser to review, so keep an eye out for those in the near future!


Xx


Sara

Mental Health Awareness week

So this week is Mental Health Awareness week and suffering with both anxiety and depression, I thought it would be a good idea to make a post.






I was diagnosed with anxiety a couple of years ago and struggle with it daily. I get anxious when I'm in crowds of people and I get anxious when I'm alone. This isn't the best combination to have and I should probably see someone about it rather than struggling by myself, but it's time and money I haven't got at the moment. I get anxiety attacks about the slightest things- even about posting my blogs as I feel like they aren't good enough for people and I will either get laughed at or talked about. This is why I can go for a week without posting as I feel my posts aren't good enough for anyone, and because of that I have no motivation to write.




I also need to go back to the doctors as I think I have another mental health illness as I'm up and down all the time- sort of a mix of bipolar and schizophrenia, but I would prefer to go to the doctors rather than self-diagnosing myself.




This is something only my family knows as it's a delicate subject but my depression can get really bad at times- I have self harmed myself in more ways than one and have ended up in hospital because of one of those reasons. When I was with Ollie and I was feeling depressed and would harm myself, he didn't offer the support I needed. To begin with he did- he took me to the hospital on multiple occasions, but after it happened a few more times, he started to think it was for attention rather than because I'm battling depression.




As I work in a college, we are promoting Mental Health Awareness week all week and have been sent a web link which I shall attach below, which has some really good information on about mental health and the different illnesses, and what is the best way to get help. Now when reading these illnesses, please DON'T self diagnose yourself, that isn't the point of this post, I just want to make you aware of the illnesses that are out there and give you information on these and how you can get help.


If you are facing depression or any mental health illness, please know you are not alone and if you self harm or are suicidal you have people to talk too and listen! I am one of those people, if you ever need just someone to listen while you're crying out for help or have hit rock bottom then please feel free to send me an email, tweet me or even send me a message on Facebook- Sara Harpum. I will listen to you and I will be there for you as I know what it's like when your whole world is crashing down around you and there's no one around to listen or tell you that you can make it through this or even just give some positive words!


Going through a mental illness alone is the scariest thing I have done and continue to do on a daily basis. I know when you meet me I wouldn't show signs of depression or anxiety, but I've suffered for so many years that I'm able to put a mask on and hide what I am feeling.

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/mental-health-awareness-week

Please, please, please feel free to send me a message if you need someone to talk too or just listen. I am always here to talk too or to listen.

Xx

Sara

Having writers block

After everything that has gone on in the past couple of weeks, it's drawn a blank in my mind as to what I should write about. I really want to post still, but with everything that's happened, I can't seem to form anything in my head which is good enough to write about.

I have new products to test out, but they're still in the process of being tested so I can't exactly post them yet. I also feel like I post makeup looks and OOTD too often and am worried you'll be getting bored, thinking 'yet another makeup post' or 'yet another OOTD' but I really don't know what to write about! I've been trying to brainstorm some ideas, but nothing makes sense in my head, or it makes sense in my head but when I type, the words don't seem to match what's going on in my head.

I really want to keep posting, I just have no clue what to write about. I feel like if I post the same things too often, you will get bored and not be interested in what I'm writing about. If you have any suggestions of what you want to see, please let me know so I can post what YOU want to see, and not something that's boring.

Thank you for understanding and sorry for the lack of posts on here and on Instagram/Twitter.

Xx

Sara

New hair

Since I've become single I'm starting to do things I'd never do before- go out on the weekends, dye my hair a crazy colour and decide on a new piercing and tattoo. I've dyed my hair for many years, but its always been dark brown, black or blonde so I thought that now I have no one telling me what I can and can't do, I went red!

I'm naturally a red head- yes, I'm a ginger, but this is more of a burgendy red. I wanted to dye my hair a different colour for ages, but never had the courage to do it. Since the split I thought I needed something to boost my confidence and make me feel like I'm the one in control, I'm the one who decides if my hair is a crazy colour, I'm the one who wants that confidence boost! No one could tell me otherwise, and I checked with my works dress code, and it said nothing about hair colurs. As soon as I saw that, I went out and bought the red hair dye that night!

Dying it was a long process. I dyed it red Wednesday evening, but the colour only took to the top layers of my hair, so I had half red and half brown hair. Thursday evening I got two boxes of really red hair dye to make sure it worked. Buying the two boxes worked and I came out with really red hair! I had a feeling using the second dye would work as my sister dyed her hair red a few years back and used that brand. She has almost black hair and it dyed her hair red so that's why I chose it that time round.

I honestly think doing something out of the ordinary has boosted my confidence and really made me feel good about myself. I would recommend everyone do something a little out of their comfort zone, whether it be dye your hair a crazy colur, or wear a lipstick colour you woldn't normally go for. If you need that boost of confidence and want to feel like you're in control and no one can tell you it's right or wrong, then do it! You will feel so much better about yourself for doing something way out of your comfort zone, trust me! I don't like to draw attention to myself, but dying my hair red was honestly the best thing I could have done for myself!

Xx

Sara

Sleek all night long palette

The other day I bought the Sleek all night long eyeshadow palette. The colours drew me in and I just had to try it!

It comes with a range of colours so can be worn both day and night. I have only used this product twice and so far I'm impressed with how the colours have lasted and how pigmented they are. In the drugstore, I've noticed that there are many higher priced brands which don't give good pigmentation or last very long, but Sleek is one of those higher brands that do. the palette is £9.99, which I think for drugstore is a little high- considering they're meant to be the cheaper alternative, but I think this product is worth the money. I only own one other thing from Sleek and I love it, so when I saw this palette, I needed to try it. I wanted to expand my Sleek collection and what better way than with an eyeshadow palette!

The eyeshadows lasted really long, yesterday I used an inner corner highlight from this palette and normally it's off before I leave the house. When I got home yesterday just before 7pm, the inner corner highlight was still really visible!

I will post a day to night look with this over the next coming week so you can see how these colours can be worn both day and night. Once I have worn it a few more times and can see how it performs properly, I will post a review on the palette.

I will also be adding swatches of each shade in, I unfortunately lost the bit of plastic which protects the colours, so I can't tell you which colours are which.

Xx

Sara